Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
