Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
