He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
