She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
