No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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