my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize