Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
