Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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