i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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