I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
