I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
