The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
