i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
