At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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