I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
