I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
