youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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