Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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