There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
