Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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