Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
