she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
