I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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