I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
