I'm gonna have a badass scar
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
