shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
