Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
