roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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