a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
