Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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