Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize