Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
