The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
