I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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