I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
