u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize