We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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