so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
