I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
