I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
