I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
