Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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