Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ketchup is God's man juice
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
