oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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