Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
