Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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