Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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