My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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