I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
