so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
