The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
