Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
