Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
