I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize