On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
