are you still at the devil's house?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
