why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The uberlube is also flammable
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
