I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
