the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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