he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
