Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
