either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize