My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
