why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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