if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
