well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
