Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
