Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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