our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
